My Awakening

I have been home from the ship for 35 days now!!!! 5 weeks today!!! When I left the ship, I felt like I would be coming home to a life that would be peaches and roses, although I wasn't so silly to actually believe that 100%. However, I thought it would be much easier to live for Christ at home, with family and friends who believe in the same Savior I do. What I found when I came home though, was that living for Christ no matter where is hard. I have found that my heart has been hardened. I have realized that the person I am being is definitely not who God wants me to be. I miss my fellowship with God. But instead of seeking out ways to find my Savior, I have ignored it. I haven't gone to church as much as I thought I would, and when I did go, I didn't pay attention much. I haven't prayed. I haven't read my Bible. Overall, I have become numb.
I have had some divine appointments lately though that have opened my eyes to see that this woman has a purpose, a calling in life, and I am wasting it. Then, I went to church tonight and God broke the ice around my heart. The scripture of the night:

This is where God broke my heart. If I can't humble myself and pray, and seek God with all I have, and turn from my own sin, how in the world can the other people in this world find Christ. I have a duty in this world to be passionately seeking Christ and showing the world this Savior. Instead, I have been sitting still, as if there is not a lost and dying world. I just left a ship of 1000 crew members, and maybe 10% of them have a relationship with Jesus. There were 55 nations represented right there, on that vessel where I spent 3 months of my life. I didn't have to go out to the nations. God brought them to me. And I wasted it. I am tired of wasting this life. I am tired of being numb. I want to be awakened, to fight. to serve.

Quotes from Brock Lillis, an evangelist from Tennessee:
"You can be dunked under the water so many times that you know the fish by their first name and still be lost."

"Without God you are like a car without gas. NOTHING."