Friday, July 31, 2009

The cry of my heart!!!!

Among The Thirsty - I'd Need A Savior
From the album Wonder

How many names can I use to explain the love of my Jesus,
the life that he gave and so many times will I praise you today.
I lift up my life ‘cause you’re always the same
And my offering to you I bring

Your name is Jesus. Your name is Jesus.
You’re the Wonderful, Counselor, my Friend.
You’re what I hold on to; I know that you brought me through
All the days of loss, to the cross you knew
I’d need a Savior.

How many songs can I sing to proclaim your wondrous love and beauty so great?
What would I say if you brought down the rain and everyday
I walk through the pain my heart would still say…


You’re what I hold on to; I know that you brought me through
All the days of loss, to the cross you knew
I’d need a Savior.
I’d need a Savior
I need you, Savior

This song more than describes the cry of my heart right now!!! I have been straying from the Lord, being involved in sin that I could not seem to shake. I have been wrapped in chains that I wanted out of but wouldn't cry out for God's grace to cover me and break them. Last night for the first time in a long time, I cried out to my Savior. I cried for His grace to cover me. To rid me of the sin in which I have been dwelling. I desire to break free. I need God's strength to cut me out and bring me back to the narrow path in which I should be walking. More than ever, God knew I'd need a Savior. He rescued me last night. And I am thankful that He will continue to rescue me. He is my knight in shining armor.

Sunday, July 5, 2009

My Awakening

I have been home from the ship for 35 days now!!!! 5 weeks today!!! When I left the ship, I felt like I would be coming home to a life that would be peaches and roses, although I wasn't so silly to actually believe that 100%. However, I thought it would be much easier to live for Christ at home, with family and friends who believe in the same Savior I do. What I found when I came home though, was that living for Christ no matter where is hard. I have found that my heart has been hardened. I have realized that the person I am being is definitely not who God wants me to be. I miss my fellowship with God. But instead of seeking out ways to find my Savior, I have ignored it. I haven't gone to church as much as I thought I would, and when I did go, I didn't pay attention much. I haven't prayed. I haven't read my Bible. Overall, I have become numb.
I have had some divine appointments lately though that have opened my eyes to see that this woman has a purpose, a calling in life, and I am wasting it. Then, I went to church tonight and God broke the ice around my heart. The scripture of the night:

This is where God broke my heart. If I can't humble myself and pray, and seek God with all I have, and turn from my own sin, how in the world can the other people in this world find Christ. I have a duty in this world to be passionately seeking Christ and showing the world this Savior. Instead, I have been sitting still, as if there is not a lost and dying world. I just left a ship of 1000 crew members, and maybe 10% of them have a relationship with Jesus. There were 55 nations represented right there, on that vessel where I spent 3 months of my life. I didn't have to go out to the nations. God brought them to me. And I wasted it. I am tired of wasting this life. I am tired of being numb. I want to be awakened, to fight. to serve.

Quotes from Brock Lillis, an evangelist from Tennessee:
"You can be dunked under the water so many times that you know the fish by their first name and still be lost."

"Without God you are like a car without gas. NOTHING."